Darker Hollywood Realities

As of last night I've attended two television show tapings: one on September 10th for The Price is Right, and another last night for a show called "Hit Music Central USA" which is supposed to air on Bravo. Let me tell you two things I've learned about television:

1. An hour of TV takes a hell of a lot longer than an hour to shoot.
2. The studio is always smaller than it looks on TV.

It turns out that the combination of those two points will compose the base of my less-than-inspirational Wednesday update. For those of you who were looking for an update on Sunday, my apologies for not producing it. I just plain didn't, and that was a mistake.

In any case, November has progressed on and I've done a whole lot in that time, a whole lot that's had nothing to do with writing my novel. For some reason the whole NaNoWriMo thing has really come off as really important to me, and is something that I think about all the time, but even so I haven't spent a lot of time actually doing anything about it. My word count at the time of composing this blog post: 14,471. Paltry.

See, I'm finding that it taking me a lot more than the 30 days I set aside to actually write this novel to actually write this novel. I still don't know anything about the characters, where the plot is going, why any of the conflict is taking place...I'm just as lost as the characters at the beginning of the story are supposed to be. And since I don't know where they're even supposed to end up, I can't even push the plot in a general direction and hope for the best. Right now my story is a child, a small child who wasn't fed enough as a baby and wasn't taught to read or socialize and is now being sent off to middle school to get made fun of in gym class it suffers an asthma attack from running laps after failing its test on Into Thin Air. (By the way, none of that happened to me...except like the part about failing the test on that book. That probably happened at some point in time; I don't think I read that book.)

Even amidst that, point two arises from the mist: just like the studio is a little less glamorous than what I'd thought, the reality of trying to be a writer is a much harsher one than what I'd expected. The only times that I've really been successful at writing are the times that I've distanced myself from everyone so that I can really focus. Living in an apartment with 4 other people with different drives and motivations as far as ways they want to spend their time makes it really hard to find any seclusion or peace, particularly when you don't have your own room. I don't really feel all that comfortable neglecting my friends, so I end up spending time doing all sorts of other things. Then I end up with 6 days to write 35,000 words in. That's great.

All over the place people have told me, "You know, it's not a big deal! You can just finish it in December, just take a few extra days," or, "Make sure that you don't stress yourself out, you need to make sure you get enough rest," things of that nature. But I've been stressed about it ever since I started because I haven't been working on it, and finishing the novel in December isn't going to prove anything. It'll mean something because I've never actually finished a project before, but it still shows that I don't have the fortitude to stick to the decisions I've made.

I've estimated that I'll need to write for approximately 4 hours a day to get my word count. And by "write for 4 hours a day" I mean that I'll need to be physically composing words for 4 hours a day, not "be at my computer checking Facebook and playing Bejeweled Blitz and chatting and writing for 4 hours a day." Considering how little I know about what I want to do with the plot, this really all feels like a pipe dream now. And unfortunately those sentiments are spilling over into my ideas about the rest of life.

I filled out the application to remain working here in Anaheim after the program concludes, meaning that I need to find my own apartment and more employment while I'm out here. Why would I need to look for "more employment," you might ask. Well, hours at Disneyland are assigned based on seniority; though I've gotten lots of hours during my time in the program, it's been because I've been given an artificial 3 years of seniority as part of the program. The second my program ends my start date resets to January 2nd; I don't even get to keep the seniority I gained working here for 5 months. Some departments get to keep theirs (PhotoPass, Foods, and maybe others), but Attractions does not, which leaves me up a very swift-moving creek with no paddle. or maybe a small paddle, since I have a job in the first place, but when it comes to paying rent in Orange County, the paddle is about the size of one of those little tabs that you pull on to open a can of soda (or pop, depending on where you live...)

Amidst all this, the big question has been: "When are you coming home?" Honestly, I don't know. It's not cheap to come home, and even if I did, I still would need to find a way to be employed long enough to tide over the time I spent home and still be able to fly back. I don't have that much cash stored up...poor planning on my part, but still a reality. So, at the end of it all, I'm just spreading myself way too thin with way too many things left to do. Like decide on a career.

Everything's pointing to one big overall question: How am I going to try to use my degree? Right now, I see myself trying to focus in one of two directions: either writing books, or doing game journalism. And honestly, the game journalism is really appealing. I love it, it has the potential to actually pay bills, and the events are ridiculous amounts of fun. I really enjoy studying the subject matter, and if the work atmosphere is anything like what I imagine it to be, I think I'd really enjoy going into work if I could get a paid job working for a game site or magazine. But I still wonder whether or not I'd be able to focus on my writing career if I were devoting my energy in those other directions. Considering how much time I've spent investing myself in other things since I came out to California, I wouldn't be surprised if 10 or 15 years down the line I still haven't finished any manuscripts.

But I think I've got one way to restore my faith in myself and any sort of ability to achieve any of these crazy dreams: finish my NaNo novel. I hate where it's going, I don't want to write it anymore, and though I'm slowly coming to grips with the emerging reality that this novel isn't going to get written by Nov. 30, there's a small piece of hope that thinks that I might be able to somehow spark the energy required to get a project of this magnitude done. And I keep trying to "recommit" myself to the plan of getting it done, but now there really isn't another choice but to either stick to it now, or give up completely.

The last two years I've tried to do the challenge I've voluntarily bowed out of the trial, citing that I had a good time trying, or that I learned something and that's enough for me. But this time it's not enough. I don't think it says anything positive about my character to continuously bail out of situations where I could fail. I never allow myself the chance to fail or the chance to lose because I just voluntarily step away, opt to "quit" instead of being fired.


Not this time.


I won't be posting on Sunday because I'll be devoting any spare time towards either completing my novel or failing to do so, and I'm not going to let this blog be an excuse for why I'm not focusing my efforts the way I know I should be. Wednesday will prove whether or not I've got the fortitude to actually finish what I start, even if finishing means failing.

-Josh

I'm on a Bus!

So, I'd sent this post while I was riding the bus into Beverly Hills yesterday, but I just got the notification that it bounced today...I sent it to the wrong email address. Hopefully it'll work this time! Here's what was going on Wednesday evening....


"I'm on a bus, I'm on a bus; everybody look at me, 'cause I'm riding on a bus! I'm on a bus, I'm on a bus; take a good, hard look at the..." Yeah, you get the picture.

Welcome to my first mobile blog! I'm sending this via email from my beaten, bruised, but still battling Palm Pre while on the freeway riding to LA. Powers of technology, right? I have to say, I love forms of transportation that don't require my direct attention.

Anyway, apologies everyone for not posting on Sunday. My schedule has had me all over the place, and I've gotten virtually nothing done for the past week. My NaNoWriMo word count is still sitting at a firm 12K, far short of the 28-30K I'm estimating I should have right now. I've written absolutely nothing during today and yesterday, my two days off for the week where I had the most opportunity to catch up because I've had so many other things I've had to catch up with... I'm not doing so well with my time management right now, as you can see.

Regardless, I'm taking things as they come and trying to take on as many new opportunities as I can while I'm still out here in LA. Part of why I'm giving my thumbs carpal-tunnel and blogging this on my tiny phone keyboard is because I'm headed into Beverly Hills for a Video Game Development Panel. A media group called Digital LA is hosting an event at the Beverly Hills Porsche dealership where plenty of various game developers will be to talk about what it's like to manage game franchises. I'm pretty excited, but I wasn't able to find a ride into Beverly Hills for the event, so I'm taking my first major foray into mass public transit.

The experience has been all over the place so far; I've ridden buses that are like coaches, and ones that are so packed it would make claustrophobics want to cry. But I'm willing to press on in the name of gaming! I'm going to give my thumbs a rest, but I'll send an after-action report on the way home, ya'll!

-Josh

-- Sent from my Palm Pre

November 19th: D-Day Approaches

Well, we've all received our exit paperwork here at the Disney College Program, and we have to make our decisions about what we're going to do with our futures in 9 days. There's just no getting around it, but there are just so many choices to make that I'm not sure which route to go.

On one hand, part of me really wants to stay working for Disney. They're a really great company with a lot of great resources, and their influence stretches into basically every realm of the entertainment industry. Staying with them and doing solid work could really give me some opportunities to branch out into all sorts of varying fields.

Then again, there are lots of other opportunities out here, and a lot of gaming opportunities are running around. I'm thinking about applying to Nintendo and Square Enix right now for some varying things, but I'm concerned that I won't be able to keep doing game journalism if I work for a gaming company. I really love doing game journalism, but I'd really love to do something like work as an editor for Nintendo...who knows?

Sorry, short post, but I wrote over 2,000 words for NaNo tonight, and I'm going out to celebrate my friend Ellen's birthday! See you all soon!

-Josh

Christmas is Starting Now

Alright, so the song of the day, exactly as it was performed today by Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, lip-sync and all:



So, you might be wondering why I would say that this was performed today, on November 7th, almost 2 months before Christmas. Well, that's because Disneyland recorded its Disneyland Christmas Parade today. I know all this well because I was pulled away from Nemo to work as guest control for the parade! I got to see Big Bad Voodoo Daddy perform in the morning, and then I worked doing crowd control for the parade. I could have seen Selina Gomez and Nick Cannon perform too, but I was on break when they were doing their acts... not a really huge deal to me, but still.

And I can already hear the people talking now... "Josh, why are you rambling about what you did today? I'm a prospective Disney College Program Cast Member looking for real information about whether or not I should join the program, and you said on Wednesday that you were going to talk about the pros and cons of working for Disney! What happened?" Well, the two situations kinda tie into each other...eh, I'll just go ahead and get started. So, here are some Pros and Cons list of working for Disney (and hopefully this won't get me fired). Let me make a couple of clarifications about my list before I get started:

• This is a College Program-based list.
  It's possible that a lot of the judgments I've made about the program are based on what it's like to be a College Program member. For instance, Disney assigns its shifts based on seniority, but College Program members are given an artificial 3 years of seniority to guarantee that we're able to pay our rent for our housing. If you're considering signing on to Disney as a standard Cast Member, you should probably keep in mind that you won't be getting many hours when first start. Expect anywhere from 10-14 hours a week those first few months...AKA expect getting a second job so that you can afford living in the area.
• I've only been working here for just under 4 months.
  A lot about a person's perspective can change with time. Just sayin'.
• I've been working Attractions.
Your experience in the park can really vary based on your role in the park. The things available to me are completely different than the things available to someone working Foods or Photopass. Because of that, there might be some differences in my experience and those of other people working in the park.

Alright, here we go: the quick rundown of the pros and cons:

PROS:
• It provides you with tons of opportunities you can't get anywhere else.
  I walked into work today and had the opportunity to watch Big Bad Voodoo Daddy, Selina Gomez, and Nick Cannon perform. Celebrities come through the park all the time. Disneyland has a huge reputation, and you can really meet some interesting people that you wouldn't get the chance to meet working at your local grocery store. Even aside from big name celebrities, there are all sorts of other cool people that bring their families to the park. Last week I met someone who does camera work for It's Always Sunny in Philidelphia and I almost got a little starstruck.
• They take a lot of money from you for College Program, but there are some solid guarantees.
  They charge us a lot per week for rent, right around 140 dollars a week, but in exchange we have our rent, utilities, and cable fully accounted for every week. THat's a pretty big deal, considering how expensive housing and whatnot can be out here in Orange County. Let's also keep in mind that not having to have arguments with roommates about not paying their parts of the bill can be a pretty significant bonus.
• You meet some pretty awesome people.
  Disney can afford to be really selective about its hiring because so many people want to work for the company. As a result, you end up meeting a lot of people who are pretty enthusiastic about their jobs and the company they work for. That's always a plus.

CONS:
• Disney owns your life.
  I worked at 7 AM this morning, and that was after working until 7:15 PM the night before. You never know how your schedule is going to be from day to day, and to put in any scheduling requests for visitors or anything like that, you have to know what you want to do at least 3 weeks in advance. Disney has a good absence program, but you don't want to have to use those absences if it's not completely necessary...besides, every time you call in you lose money, and...
• When you start off working for Disney, you're BROKE.
The job doesn't pay that much, subjectively speaking. I'm making more than minimum wage out here right now, but I still have weeks were I'm fighting to make ends meet. And that's with the inflated College Program seniority. I have no idea how I could live on 10-15 hours a week out here without getting a second job...that might be an option for you, though.
• You're never REALLY off-stage.
  Sure, your shift might end, but there are so many people in Anaheim associated with Disney that you never really know whether or not you need to have your "professional pants on," as my roommate Ron would say. If you value your privacy and space, this might not work so well for you.

Those are just some of the brief bullet points about working here, but they're the significant ones. If I had to make one over-arching recommendation: Go for it. Sure, you're taking a risk, and things can get to be difficult out here (especially with drama and finances), but I've definitely found it to be worth it anyway. I really enjoy the people I work with and the roommates I have, and I know I'd never have been able to spend this much time in California (particularly in Disneyland) without working for the company. I'm hoping that I'll be able to keep working for Disney in a different department than Attractions, maybe at Disney Interactive Media Group working on video games...but only time will tell! In the meantime, I'm going to bed!

-Josh

NaNo-Sized Decisions

Well, it's Wednesday, which means it's time for another blog. I have to honestly say that writing is taking over my life as of late...I'm reading a couple of different books at the same time; Vladimir Nobokov's Lolita (which was given to me by a friend of mine) and Daiva Markelis' memoir White Field, Black Sheep (which was written by a friend of mine!). I haven't really sat down to read good books since I got here in California, and I have to say that doing it is really restoring my energy. But I've been so tired from pulling late nights the past few weeks that I end up falling asleep on the books! Pretty miserable...

Anyway, a double-dose of pressure's been served up right here in early November. For one, National Novel Writing Month has officially begun! I'm pretty excited about the plot that I've decided to write...I found an old story idea in one of my journals that I think could turn out a little interesting if I do it correctly. Then again, that's likely the case with life...it's all interesting if you do it right, heh.

At the same time, I received an email from Disney this weekend with a form that we're supposed to fill out that designates our intentions with the company after the College Program ends. The form is due to be turned in by November 19th, which means that I don't even get to try to figure things out up to the end of the program before I have to decide what I'm going to do with the next few months of my life. It might not be such a big deal if I didn't have to decide whether or not I'm going to virtually strand myself in the West Coast with student loans to pay, really high rent, and potentially a car payment or something of the like...I guess there was at least one plus to living in Charleston, IL for college: pretty much everything was in biking distance.

Still, that form made reality set in like I wasn't expecting. For better or worse, this program's been pretty much my life for the past couple months. I've spent most all of my time with people I met at Disney, I work at Disney, I have class at Disney...and now it may all change. I can try to apply for a full-time or part-time position in the park, or I can try to get a professional/salaried position...that doesn't happen all too often, but it would be the one circumstance where I would definitely feel compelled to stick around. I want to start a career, and I want to advance, but I DEFINITELY want to pay my student loans, and that requires having a decent paying job that leaves me with some money after rent. I don't know if I'll find that out here without taking a second job, and I don't know how I'd have any energy to write after working all that much just to make ends meet...

That's really what this November is about though. I really want to prove to myself that I can get my things in order, that I can really write and make it something I take seriously. I'm trying to track down programs and tips to make the writing experience a little more fluid. In the meantime, I definitely need to get some sleep...I've been taking a lot of time to talk about personal stuff in the past few blogs, so the next one's going to be about what it's like working for Disney, and the pros and cons of taking on the College Program out in Anaheim. See you then!

Watch for Wednesday

Sorry, folks; this Sunday's blog has been delayed due to extenuating circumstances. In the meantime, read this delightful webcomic courtesy of XKCD: